from sundayfox.tumblr.com

If it works for Harry Potter, it can work for you.

Let’s break this down. “Nice” is a word that people use when they have nothing better to say about something, as in when your aunt asks you how you liked your scarf she knitted for you for Christmas. “What? Oh, yeah! that scarf! It’s, um, really, um, nice!”  So let me just point out, you self-identified “nice guys” are already admitting that there is nothing noteworthy about you.  If you can’t figure it out, that’s really unattractive by definition.

But let’s talk about the other assumption – that women only love jerks.  Let me point out that women (sane ones at least) DO NOT LIKE JERKS. Sometimes they are attracted to people who turn out to be jerks. The attractive part, however, is not the jerks, but the CONFIDENCE AND ASSERTIVENESS that sometimes coincides with being a jerk. What we are looking for is a guy who knows what he wants in life, and who goes for it. And I don’t mean just going after women. ugh. Women are attracted to guys who seem to have their lives figured out. Not all planned out and organized necessarily, but who are comfortable in who they are and can achieve what they want to achieve.

What do women want? Women want someone kind. A kind person, however, doesn’t get mad at the object of their affections when they don’t return the sentiment. Think about it. How much did you really care if you can’t respect the woman’s choice?

So suck it up. There are more important things in life than your inability to get some. And no one wants to hear your whining and moaning. Nobody “deserves someone,” and especially not selfish you. Get over yourself and go do something else. Volunteer. Create (non-whiny) art. Get a job. Play a sport. Just stop being lame.  Do these things not to get women, but because YOU ENJOY THEM, and women will love you, I guarantee it.

Just when you thought a man couldn’t wear anything worse than mandals. (Oh, wait…)

Fortunately, this doesn’t happen very often. Unfortunately, it’s because I live in Berkeley and attractive men do not.[2]

But never mind that. For this post, I want to share my tips for on how to speak to attractive men:

1. Do not, under any circumstances, talk to an attractive man. This will give them the impression that you like them, which will cause their ego to expand to the size of daily McDonald’s consumers.
2. If an attractive man approaches you, look frightened and run off. This emphasizes your feminine qualities and vulnerability.
3. If you are unable to demonstrate your femininity by appearing terrified by the idea of an attractive man, you are permitted to mumble incoherently. I have gotten quite good at both of these options. A typical conversation of mine with attractive man goes like this:

Attractive man: Hey, how’s the party?

Me over my shoulder while sprinting quickly away: Mkummmupfk

In my experience, these three tips are all you need to take care of any potential conversation with an attractive man, but if you have other suggestions, feel free to leave a comment.

http://ilovecharts.tumblr.com/post/2614132594

(Alright, so it’s only twenty so far. But once the other two bloggers pick their top tens, we’ll have reached our quota.)

 

 

Facial hair is a topic hotly debated among women, but here are some basics that I think we can all agree on:

When in doubt, shave. You can’t go wrong without a beard, or even with a few days’ worth of stubble.

Manly stubble. (The bleached hair, however, is another matter.)

Once you cross over into beard territory, however, beware. Not all ladies dig it.

"Too much!" cries another blogger on this site, though I personally think it's just within the acceptable range...

Do NOT, however, attempt a beard of any size, shape, or form if you aren’t capable of growing a full one free of patches.

Patchy. (Also, could use a trim.)

If you can’t pull off a full beard, don’t broadcast the fact. We like to think that a man is capable, if he so desired, of growing a beard like this:

UNACCEPTABLE

BUT also that he has the good sense not to.

If you’re reading this, you’re probably desperate and therefore should stick to the above rules. Don’t monkey around with things like this:

Um...

…or even this:

Though personally I find this strangely attractive.

A final, but ALL-IMPORTANT note:

The amount of hair on your face should never exceed the amount of hair on your head.*

Typical Berkeley resident.

(There is also the critical matter of sideburns, which will be discussed in a later post.)

*VERY rare exceptions may be made for incredibly attractive bald men with well-groomed goatees. Don’t try it at home.

With the this blog, we are taking our complaints public.

As for the title, “Berkeley vision” is synonymous with “Berkeley goggles.”

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed on this blog are the opinions of the writers of this blog. (Shocking, I know.) It’s quite possible that our advice will only prove useful in the event that you attempt to seduce one or more of the four of us. If you disagree with our assessments, leave us a comment.