I don’t have a problem talking to guys. It’s the just to the attractive ones and that’s not my fault. It is slightly difficult to continue conversation when forcibly suppressing shouts of “Oh God! Take me! Take me now!”[1]
Fortunately, this doesn’t happen very often. Unfortunately, it’s because I live in Berkeley and attractive men do not.[2]
But never mind that. For this post, I want to share my tips for on how to speak to attractive men:
- Do not, under any circumstances, talk to an attractive man. This will give them the impression that you like them, which will cause their ego to expand to the size of daily McDonald’s consumers.
- If an attractive man approaches you, look frightened and run off. This emphasizes your feminine qualities and vulnerability.
- If you are unable to demonstrate your femininity by appearing terrified by the idea of an attractive man, you are permitted to mumble incoherently. I have gotten quite good at both of these options. A typical conversation of mine with attractive man goes like this:
Attractive man: Hey, how’s the party?
Me over my shoulder while sprinting quickly away: Mkummmupfk
In my experience, these three tips are all you need to take care of any potential conversation with an attractive man, but if you have other suggestions, feel free to leave a comment.
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